A Hard Decision

We've been struggling to make a difficult decision over the last couple of weeks, and we'd like to share it with you here.

Three weeks ago I had an appointment with a vascular surgeon who confirmed that I have a splenic artery aneurysm.  An aneurysm is a bulging out of an artery due to weakness of the artery wall. Often a person would not know they had one until it ruptured.  We were made aware of mine as a result of an ultrasound I had done after a gall bladder attack.  Although this was news that we didn't want to hear, we are so thankful that we know; that we don't have to learn of it sometime down the road when it would become a life-threatening situation, as is often the case.  But with knowledge comes responsibility - for us, the responsibility of choice.  At this point my aneurysm is small and could remain that way for years - we don't know.  Although the risk of rupture at this size is very low, that would change significantly if I were to become pregnant.  We could choose to have the aneurysm removed, but because it is so close to the spleen, my entire spleen would have to be removed as well. Among other things, that would cause my immune system to be seriously compromised.  We've been praying, researching, discussing, asking the doctors more questions, assessing risk and praying some more over the past three weeks.  We've decided that for now we will leave the aneurysm alone.  But what a difficult decision this has been.  We've gotten used to the idea of living with the risk - it is very small and I will be going for ultrasounds every 6 to 12 months to check for growth.  The hard part is knowing that because of our decision we probably will not receive more children.  For most people that will seem odd, I know.  We have ten already - how many more did we want?  True, we have been abundantly blessed, beyond what we ever imagined. And we are thankful.  But it isn't about numbers.  We did not set out with an idea of how many kids we wanted.  We wanted however many the Lord would give us, and our motto has always been, "There's always room for one more."  For nearly 17 years we have been busy with babies - either a little one or another one on the way.  While this has had its share of difficulties, we believed that God would provide what was needed, and He always did. We left our family size in God's hands, trusting in His perfect plan and provision for us.  And we look back with absolutely no regrets about that - not about size or timing or spacing.  We've had such peace about it.  God worked in us to make us willing to accept as many children as he had planned for us and now suddenly we are faced with the idea that He may not be sending any more.  If it is His will that we 'only' have ten, then we are at peace with that.  But the really difficult part is having to make a choice.  Since God revealed the aneurysm to us, we have to respond wisely, in a way that is best for all concerned.  And while it is with sadness that we see one door closing, we are joyful to be reminded that nothing happens by chance, but by the will of our heavenly Father and we know that new doors will be opened for us - things that He has planned for us. 
We don't know what the future holds.  We could find that with time the aneurysm will grow, which would make surgery necessary. Whatever happens, we continue to trust in God, knowing that we are in His hands.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Love,